Looking past one’s appearance
The Lord looks at the heart, therefore let us seek to do the same. Don't think of someone better, or worse, just because of how they may look.
1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
Here’s the Lord, calling us out for looking “at the outward appearance” of someone. The world would indeed be a much better place if we could all look at each other in a way God does, for “the Lord looks at the heart.”
Many times, often really, we allow someone’s attractive appearance to sway us favorably towards them. We must not equate righteousness with beauty. We should never treat someone better, or worse, just because of the way they may look. We can never allow appearances to dictate whether or not someone is worthy of love, after all, we are called to love our neighbors—and every person made in His image is our neighbor.
We may disagree with someone, whether it be for religious, political, or any other reason, but let us never resort to attacking one’s appearance. When I see someone attacking their opponent based purely on appearance, they instantly lose all credibility in my eyes and I don't care how right they may be. We are called to judge one's character and their fruit, not their looks.
When it comes to dating, it’d be naive for me not to say looks play a part for most people, but as the old saying goes: “beauty attracts but personality holds.” Someone’s beauty won’t last forever. Remember, the person you may fall in love with will get old and wrinkly, they could also have their looks taken away by accidents, illnesses, and so on. Will you still love someone if they lose a limb or if something happens to their body that now requires you to take care of them all for the rest of their lives?
These are some serious questions every person with the intent of dating any other person should ask themselves. As Christians, we date with a reason in mind, and that reason is marriage. If we're considering asking someone out, we have to look beyond their looks and see their faithfulness to the Lord.
We do well to remember that “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting,” but a person “who fears the LORD will be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). Rather than be hung up on what is “deceptive” and “fleeting,” let your focus be on your beloved’s love of the Lord.
Find someone whose beauty is in their love towards the Lord (1 Peter 3:3-4). Until then, remain celibate; and when you do find someone, choose to get married rather than engage in premarital sex (1 Corinthians 7:9). And if you never find someone, let the words said in a church by an elderly lady who never got married comfort you: “better to experience moments of loneliness than a lifetime of regret.”
We have this horrible tendency to always look at the outside, never at the inside; and this is true not just for dating purposes but for various other matters as well. For instance, J.C. Ryle compared 1 Samuel 16:7 with our tendency to look only on the outside when it comes to faith. As he wrote: “Man is naturally content with the outward part of religion, with outward morality, outward correctness, outward regular attendance on means of grace. But the eyes of the Lord look much further.”1
Pastor John MacArthur also wrote this in regards to this matter: “God is not so concerned with the outside as He is with the inside. And the outside is only validated insofar as it is representative of what is on the inside.”2
Whether it be for friendship or a romantic relationship, let us start looking for people who will motivate and inspire us to walk in close fellowship with the Lord. Let’s look past their appearances, and start looking into their hearts.
Old Paths, Fourth Edition, (CrossReach Publications, 2019), p. 104
https://www.gty.org/library/sermons-library/2213/the-attitude-behind-the-act