Marriage, divorce, and remarriage
When it comes to marriage, divorce, and remarriage, most people are guided by feelings rather than be guided by the Word of God.
Matthew 19:9-10
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
This truth is as difficult to swallow nowadays as it was back when He said. Even His own disciples were stunned by His decree on marriage and divorce.
MARRIAGE
As Christians, who can we marry?
Firstly, Scripture tells us we must not engage in homosexual activity (Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:13), so marrying someone the same sex as you is a direct violation of Scripture.
Secondly, Scripture tells us we are to marry “in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39)—that is, our spouse must be a believer. We are not to be “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Last but not least, in the Old Testament, we have two chapters dedicated to telling us who we are not allowed to marry. Both Leviticus 18 and Leviticus 20 (also reinforced in Deuteronomy 27:20-23), tell us we are not to marry, or have sexual relations, with blood relatives, step-relatives, and in-laws.
What if the other person was at one point married (whether a widow/widower or divorced)? Check out the “REMARRIAGE” section on this post for information on that.
DIVORCE
These days, people try to find any excuse they can to get divorced apart from “sexual immorality” — or πορνείᾳ (porneia) as it is written in the original text. We actually do have another valid reason to get divorced, which the apostle Paul gives us in 1 Corinthians 7:15: “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.”
Who doesn’t know someone who’s abused the text in 1 Corinthians 7:15? I’ve known people who claimed their spouse was an “unbeliever” because they didn’t act in a certain way just so they could find an excuse to get divorced. For instance, I’ve read about a guy who said because his wife failed to do house chores and take care of the house, thus it was evidence of her unbelief.
Such attempts to find excuses to get a divorce reminds me of what James Montgomery Boice wrote: “Instead of trying to find loopholes in God’s commandment or trying to convince ourselves that our spouse is not a Christian or is at least not behaving as one and therefore divorceable, we ought to be shouting the holiness of marriage from the housetops. It is better to endure much personal unhappiness than to treat as expendable the solemn vows of the wedding service.”1
There will be cases where a separation is in order. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:5 that a couple might “deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer.” But that temporary time apart must be used to reinforce their marriage, in order that they may “come together again so that Satan does not tempt you.” If things get really bad, go to your pastor and seek counseling, pray, and fast, so that you can once “come together once again” with your spouse. Divorce should not be in your mind, apart from adultery.
Why are people so addicted, if you will, to getting divorced in today’s world? Look at how people are being raised. They keep dating different people often, being taught they can go from one person to another and that’s okay. How could we be surprised if they apply that way of living to their married life as well? As Voddie Baucham wrote, “Modern American dating is no more than glorified divorce practice. Young people are learning how to give themselves away in exclusive, romantic, highly committed (at times sexual) relationships, only to break up and do it all over again.”2
On the other hand, there are cases where divorce is permitted, but the church tries to stop someone from getting a divorce. Jesus made it clear that divorce is allowed in case of sexual immorality, so no pastor should deny a cheated spouse the right to get a divorce. If a couple wants to try to move on past such a breach of trust and rebuild their marriage, they absolutely can and there’s nothing stopping them from doing so. However, the cheated spouse is not obligated to give their marriage a second chance in case of adultery.
I remember R.C. Sproul being mad at pastors who try to stop couples from getting a divorce in case of adultery. For R.C. Sproul, churches that do such a thing are in the wrong, especially when they say Jesus commands us to forgive. As R.C. Sproul said, “[What if the husband repents?] And we just learned [that] we are supposed to forgive people who repent. Yes. If that husband repents, she has to forgive him! And if he commits adultery seventy times seven and repents seventy times seven, she has to forgive him, and receive him as a brother in Christ but not as her husband.”3
To cheat on your spouse is no small sin. Martyn Lloyd-Jones said the following regarding divorce in case of adultery: “Adultery breaks the marriage relationship; and if the husband has been guilty of adultery the wife is no longer bound to give him obedience in everything. She can divorce him, she is allowed to do so by the Scripture. She is entitled to do so because adultery breaks the unity, breaks the relationship. They are now separate and no longer one. He has broken the unity, he has gone out of it. So we must not interpret this Scripture as teaching that the wife is thus irrevocably, inevitably bound to an adulterous husband for the rest of her life. She may choose to be — that is for her to decide. All l am saying is, that this Scripture does not command it, it does not make it inevitable.”4
Just think of how abominable porneia (sexual immorality) is to God. Jesus gives permission for someone to do what “God hates” (Malachi 2:16). This should give us an insight into not just situations related to marriage, but to everyday life as well. Sexual immorality (porneia) is an evil that God abhors.
REMARRIAGE
What about remarriage? Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:39, “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” If your spouse dies you may marry again as long as the other person is a fellow Christian (“in the Lord”). And that is true for any Christian wishing to get married. We are not to be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).
I’ve heard people use Mark 10:11-12, which tells us: “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” as the reason whoever gets divorced should not marry again. They seem to fail to look at Matthew 19:9-10, which tells us the Lord does say “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” If a divorce was not grounded on sexual immorality, you and your new spouse will be committing adultery, however, if that divorce was on grounds of sexual immorality a remarriage would be allowed—for the one who was cheated on, not for the one who did the cheating.
Remarriage for those who have been lawfully divorced —on the grounds of sexual immorality— has been a long-standing church position. Martin Luther, John Calvin, Matthew Henry, R.C. Sproul, John MacArthur, and just about every church father and Reformer have maintained this position.
Death of a spouse and adultery are not the only two cases where remarriage is permitted. Most people seem to overlook what the apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:15: “if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases.” The one who’s been abandoned is no longer “under bondage” to that spouse, therefore they are free to remarry. If there is no bond, that person is free.
Martin Luther also argued that abandonment should also give the person who’s been abandoned permission to remarry. Contrary to the position of the Roman Catholic Church, Luther said: “[the abandoned spouses] without any fault of their own, are nowadays compelled to remain unmarried, that is, of those whose wives or husbands have run away and deserted them,” an issue that was constantly on his mind because he “meet cases of it every day, whether it happen by the special malice of Satan or because of our neglect of the word of God.”5
Having said all that, there’s always hope that a couple could be united once again, and the door for reconciliation should not be shut (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).
What about those who are sinfully divorced, those who have committed adultery, and those who abandoned their previous spouse, and didn't know what the Bible says about such issues and got remarried? Run to Christ. Repent. And what is true repentance? As John MacArthur wrote, “[the Greek word] behind repent means more than regret or sorrow... it means to turn around, to change direction, to change the mind and will... Repentance involves sorrow for sin, but sorrow that leads to a change of thinking, desire, and conduct of life.”6 Ask God for forgiveness. Be real, true, and honest in your plea to God. Acknowledge your sin to Him. What you have done is no small sin and yet, even for you, there is hope.
Christ rejects no one who comes to Him with true sorrow for their sins, and a pure contrite heart asking for forgiveness. Charles Spurgeon said it best, “Among the lost souls in hell, there is not one who can say, ‘I went to Jesus, and He refused me.’ It is not possible that you or I would be the first to whom Jesus would break His word. Let us not entertain so dreadful thought.”7
CONCLUSION
Marriage is a serious commitment; one that we must not take lightly. Chances are that we will only have one chance at marriage, therefore we must be sure to marry “in the Lord.” We ought to stop being guided by the heart, doing what “feels right,” and start being guided by the Word of God.
The Minor Prophets (2 Volume Set), Vol. 2, (Baker Books, 2006), p. 588
Family Driven Faith, (Crossway Books, 2007), p. 21
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuK-bXhsjhw
Life In The Spirit: In Marriage, Home & Work, (Baker Book House, 1975), p. 128
The Man Who Rediscovered God, (Strelbytskyy Multimedia Publishing, 2021), p. CLXXVIII
The MacArthur New Testament Commentary: Matthew 1-7, (The Moody Bible Institute, 1985), p. 53
Faith's Checkbook, Updated Edition, (Aneko Press, 2020), p. 17